[Indexed as: Smith, Candy, “Fathers Rights Explored in Child Custody,” Big Spring Herald (Tx.), Oct. 10, 1976 {Fathers’ Rights Movement}
For four days last May, a 37-year-old nuclear chemist stalked his ex-wife’s house, armed with tear gas, clubs and handcuffs in a successful attempt to reclaim his own children.
Arlie Wayne Haskins had won custody of his children in Alabama, his wife being declared unfit. The 32-year-old mother had been awarded custody of the children in Massachusetts in a separate custody suit. Both were, in the eyes of their respective state laws, legal custodians of their children.
But unable to convince either his ex-wife or the state of Massachusetts to award him his children, Haskins and a friend kidnapped them.
“Child snatching,” as it’s called, involves about 100,000 children a year in the United States. Multimillionaire Seward Prosser Mellon’s name brought child snatching to public attention last March when he hired three men to abduct and bring his children from New York, where his wife had custody, to Pennsylvania, where he had custody.
Although child snatching is more unusual than it is prevalent, it is a sign of the frustration and eventual snub of the legal system by some fathers who seriously want their children. These men, in most cases, have exhausted legitimate avenues before resorting to force.
The growing number of cases where men are fighting against the time-worn attitude that mothersmake- the-best-parent indicate that things are changing in the area of child custody. Albeit, at a. turtle’s pace.
“Since 1960, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, there has been a 67 per cent increase in single fathers to 387,000 in 1973. They care for about 800,000 children under the age of 18. Still single mothers outnumbered fathers by 3,798,000 in 1973, and at that time were still awarded 90 per cent of the custody cases,” reported the Washington Post in early 1975.
Even one or two decades ago, the few fathers with custody of their children were usually widowers and victims of runaway wives. Although if is difficult to prove and few in the legal system will admit it, a rule of thumb offered by a local man who won custody of his children here is “if a woman lives a good life and she wants the children, a man doesn’t have a chance.”
The chances of men getting their children in a child custody suit are not very good in Texas some lawyers agree. Even though the law is such that men and women are considered equal in child custody suits, said Wayne Basden, a local attorney here, the statutes still favor the mother.
“You’re into a real bucket of worms when you get into child custody suits,” saidDistrict Judge Ralph W. Caton. There is no ill-feeling comparable to that which is exhibited between man and woman at the time of divorce, when children are at stake, mused the judge.
Charles Metz, in his book “Divorce and Custody for Men,” related a bitterly contested divorce trial. During the wife’s testimony, the judge asked for a short recess. Both attorney’s and the judge adjorned to the judge’s chambers for coffee and cigarettes.
After the recess, the judge said, ‘Well, let’s go back into court and hear another ninety minutes of perjury’.
“This is the divorce system,” said Metz. Judge Caton has ruled on 210 divorces filed within Howard County in approximately the last year.
From September 12, 1975 until August 19, 1976 Caton dismissed 17. Of the 193 granted, 98 of those involved one or more children.
Of those 98 divorces which included a custody ruling, women were appointed ‘managing conservator’, that is awarded the couple’s children, in 82 cases here. Men were awarded the children in 13 cases. Persons other than the parents were given the children in two cases and one case has yet to be decided.
Monthly child support awarded to women totals $10,709 in Howard County, averaging $140.09 a month per woman. A total of $175 in child support was awarded men, Actually, only two out of the 13 men with custody of their children receive any financial support at all, accounting for the low figure.
Since child support is usually based on the salary one or two years prior to divorce, the lower income of women should be considered.
That, said Basden, who has represented many litigants in custody cases, is one reason why men do make a better parent.
They earn a better salary and are more able to comfortably support their children, he said.
The argument can be made that why don’t men pay more child support then, Basden said. “Either way, one party or another is going to be deprived of one hell of a concession,” he added.
“To a lot of men and women, whether they like it or not, it is very difficult to continue to be a parent after a divorce, even if they live in the same town. Each child wants to think both of his parents are the greatest in the world,” said Basden.
“If the father has demonstrated his ability to be a father without making any grevious mistakes, why should he not be as entitled to his fatherhood as the mother is entitled to her motherhood,” said Wilfrid M. Calnan, a certified social worker at the Howard County Family Service.
“The grief of the father in losing a child through divorce can be every bit as strong as if he had lost the child in death. Indeed, a sort of death takes place, and this does something to the father’s self-image,” said Calnan.
“Love, my friends, is a nasty old matter of proximity. If you lose custody of your children, you have lost those children in the fullest sense of the word,” said Metz.
Nevertheless, both statutes and case law cite a mother’s care as one of the paramount factors in determining the best interest of a young child in an award of custody.
“Hence, as between the parents, and all else being equal, it is ordinarily proper and desirable to award children of tender years to the mother unless good reason exists for other deposition,” says Texas.
Jurisprudence, a law guide interpreting statute and case law by attorneys.
“Good reason” includes frequent cursing in the presence of a minor, a series of indiscretions, affliction with a recurring illness or the necessity to work and leave the child in a nursery or kindergarten.
“Men seldom file suit for their children because they love them more. Generally, it’s because the wife is not acting like a mother. I have a lot of men coming in here saying they want a divorce, but they also want the children. The man may have come home and found another man in his bed, the wife may be running around, going out drinking or staying out until all hours,” Basden said.
He noted that it is not always the sexual behavior of the wives that may make a woman unfit as a mother.
“The woman may-be mentally ill or may have tried to commit suicide. Some are occasionally alcoholics or are into drug abuse.”
Although it shouldn’t, it takes that kind of evidence to win a custody suit for a father. “Most judges will require it,” Basden said.
According to Texas Jurisprudence, “It is not necessary, in order to be denied custody, that the mother’s conduct must have been so vicious as to have visibly and demonstrably wounded the children in their well-being or welfare.”
Yet realistically, without visible and demonstrable proof, fathers seldom are awarded their children, unless by prior agreement with their spouse. Although the law states their concern being the best interest of the child, the burden of proof seems to rest on the man.
Basden repeated the same feeling expressed by the man here who did win custody of his children. “If a woman is leading a good life, it’s almost impossible to take them (the children) away from her. I don’t think it’s really proper.”
The attorney did concede that things are changing somewhat. Whereas the majority of women used to stay home with their children, “more and more women are working and getting involved in activities outside of the home,” he said. As a result, he said, he gets more men filing custody suits for their children.
The situation is expressed well by Luverne V. Rieke, professor of law at the University of Washington and Executive Secretary of the Washington State Judicial Council. “To the extent that society condones the practice of automatically awarding custody to mothers, society is flexing its muscles and is .participating in punishing the father for the breakup of the marriage.”
Calnan suggested that, among other things, there should be specifically designed courts of domestic relations to handle divorce, child custody, juveniles and abuse cases. Also, family law of Texas should include a mandatory attorney for every child in a custody suit.
“That attorney, along with sociologists, should determine the best interests of the child. What I’m concerned with is providing adequate representation of the child,” Calnan said.
Why the legal system has stacked the deck against men in child custody suits, however well-meaning, is a sociological question.
“The law reflects the temper of society at a given moment and the heritage of the past which, in this case, includes myths of human sexuality,” said Calnan.
“We are emerging from a very skewed kind of culture where values are very mixed-up, especially values of human sexuality. A lot of people think women can’t be a mechanic or an engineer. You identify certain skills with one sex,” Calnan said.
“One is that a man isn’t tender, or can’t be tender.” In child custody suits, “women have the myth going for them,” he added.
“Another myth is the attitude and knowledge of what a parent should be and what makes a good parent. I see a lot of people, including mothers, who have unknowingly contributed to the delinquency of their children,” said Calnan.
He considered the chore of diapering an infant, in the past the exclusive domain of the wife. “I hold that the father can do this as well as the mother. It’s not just diapering the child, but how you do it that matters.”
“Even in this day of “Playboy” and “Penthouse”, we are abysmally ignorant about human sexuality and roles of the male and female. We have not explored the potentiality of males and females to be parents. Instead, we have accepted some old wives tales that will not bear scientific scrutiny,” Calnan said.
Said Metz, “Where custody of children is concerned, I believe men are slogging along a dismal and aimless rut. We men are supposed to be willing to accept the loss of the children as a normal condition to divorce.”
“Children, it is frequently said, are the real losers in divorce,” Metz went on. “Maybe. Probably so. But a dad who loves to kiss his kids goodnight is some kind of a special loser too.”
NOTE
The front page features an article about a parental kidnapping case.